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- People who make hand-kisses are freaking lazy!
- On your knees! I am online
- (name) connecting people...
- Wait a minute... I am bringing an offer to the toilet gods
- What does really suck? A giraffe with pain in his neck
- Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!
- Hi! My name's Nobody. Nobody is perfect.
- La La Li La - Can't hear you - La Li La La
- You don't have to be the best, be better than the rest!
- I can do it, I can let it be but I get it done!
- It's brown and it doesn't weight much... lightbrown!
- Did you just grab my ass?
- Select my name and press ALT + F4
- Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?
- This guy/girl needs a tutorial
- A selfish person is someone who doesn't think about me
- Does people working at Pickwick ever get a coffeebreak?
- Who farted!?
- Here I am! What were your other 2 wishes?
- It's green and it's peaks behind a corner... a spionach!
- Nobody like me, so I always have 1 friend
- Girls/Boys are great, every boy/girl should own one
- You know it's always business doing pleasure with you
- If you throw rice at weddings, will asian people throw hotdogs?
- I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?
- One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject
- When I’m good, I’m really good, but when I’m bad I’m better
- I'm not smiling at you, I'm trying not to laugh!
- 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? I think not…
- I'm fat, but your ugly. I can diet
- English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England!
- You may laugh because I'm different but I laugh because you're all the same
- If at first you dont succeed skydiving isnt for you
- Take a break like it is a sort of screen saver!
- I am on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
- ScReW TwiZzLeRS!! i'LL MaKe YoUr MoUtH HaPPy!
- I aint guilty, im just not innocent! ;-)
- Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters
- For all you who talk about me, thanks for making ME the center of YOUR world!
- I'm cool, I'm hot....I'm everything you're not
- You and the bank own a very lovely home
- I would tell ya to go to hell but all dogs go to heaven
- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
- You don't buy the drink here, you only rent it
- All racists who are prepared to die for their country, why not now?
- Drinking is the answer, I don't remember the question
- Superman is a travestite
- Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
- Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question
- Lower the age of puberty!
- God bless Atheism
- I drink to make other people interesting
- My life is like a porno-movie, without the sex
- An unfortunate person is one tries to fart but shits instead
- A miserable person is one who truly enjoys a fart but can't
- Anarchists of the world, unite!
- Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
- Don't be open-minded, your brains might fall out
- Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss
- On the other hand, you have different fingers
- Who laughs last, thinks the slowest
- Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good
- I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!
- I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it
- That money talks I don't deny... I just heard mine yell: Goodbye!!
- Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids
- I'm not a follower... I'm a leader with the same idea
- This is where Napolean beat his bone-a-part
- First law of science: don't spit into the wind
- I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member
- If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
- My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted
- If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
- Even hot girls have to fart
- I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it
- Do you got with me get lost? I know the way
- It was a brave man who ate the first oyster
- There are three types of economists. Those who can count, and those who can't
- Sure, there's no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"
- If my car was a horse, I would have to shoot it!
- An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire hius work
- Men are like roses, you got to watch out for all the pricks
- Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised
- I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on
- I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go by
- Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door
- Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away
- A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings
- Who's cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "s" in it?
- Why is it that the most unattractive people in this world insist on being nudists?
- I'm not a dumb blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
- I don't know if I'm a player. Ask one of my girlfriends
- Virginity is like a bubble... One tiny prick and it's gone
- If guys had their period, they'd probably brag about the size of our tampons
- Fat people are harder to kidnap
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?
- Fat Girls are like Mopeds: fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to catch you
- If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
- I wear the pants in this house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear
- We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture
- We don't have a town drunk. We all share the responsibilty
- Passwords are like underwear: change them often
- Next time wave all your fingers at me!
- When it comes to baldness, it's not about losing more hair, it's about getting more head
- The height of laziness is a man is shitting on the beach and waiting for the tide
- What do they call Bush his zipper? The "U.S. Open
- Beer: helping ugly people get laid since 1823
- Impotence: Nature's way of saying "no hard feelings"
- Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls
- Everyone likes a little ass, but no one likes a smart ass
- I like my steak so rare that when you poke it, it still says mooooo
- The only reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live
- Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later
- Only in America do they buy a double cheese burger, large fries and a DIET COKE
- Oh man this is crazy, I hope I didn't brain my damage
- Time flies like the wind; fruit flies like bananas
- If you dont like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk
- Be a Minimalist. It's the least you can do
- After working here, I now realize that "Dilbert" is not a comic strip. It's a documentary
- She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon
- Behind every great woman, is a guy looking at her ass
- I never appoligize! I'm sorry, that's just not the way I am
- Moblie phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest
- Stupid statistics cost american companies 30 zillion dollars each year
- Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics
- Ass, Grass, or Gas: everybody's gotta pay
- It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man
- They speak of my drinking but they never consider my thirst
- We'd better get outta here, I think I hear one of those silent alarms
- I don't like to repeat things, so listen carefully the first six times
- Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
- I must confess, I was born at a very early age
- I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup
- I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own
- The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with
- I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...
- I invented the cordless extension cord
- I can't come tonight, my tires got dizzy...
- Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife
- You're unique, just like everyone else....
- Everybody has the right to be stupid but your breaking the rules!
- Why do our noses run and our feet smell?
- Save a mouse, eat a pussy
- Keep Earth clean, it's not Ur-anus
- Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow
- Make love not war. Condoms are cheaper than guns
- Don't do it behind the garden gate love is blind but the neighbours ain't!
- When you judge others you dont define them you define yourself.. :-)
- The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?
- You're looking at perfection, and it ain't you!
- Do blind eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
- If electricty comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
- Never wish on 1 star more than 1nce cause your luck ALWAYS runs out!
- I know that you know that I know that you think I'm the best, that's why you never tell me
- We both know I'm the best, that's why you never tell me
- Women/Men are proof that women/men can take a joke
- As long as my boss pretends that I'm earning much, I'm pretending that I work hard
- An answer to that nagging question............... I let the dogs out!
- What do an Icebear have after swimming? Snowballs!
